I received an email with the subject title: Burnt Biscuits, and I ignored it for a few days. What burnt biscuits?? I though to myself  - it must be some corny story or joke. I finally read it in a moment of boredom and I really have to share with you all…. It’s a good reminder for us not to nitpick on the imperfections in our relationships with our parents, friends and partner and to NEVER EVER take their efforts and hard work for granted. I am humbled by this little email.

“When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.
On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Honey, I love burned biscuits.”

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides - a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!”

Life is full of imperfect things…..and imperfect people. I’m not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults - and choosing to celebrate each others differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that’s my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn’t a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!”

“Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket - keep it in your own.”

The Social Development Network Singapore is organizing a Dating Fiesta at the Suntec City on 20th February. Hahahhaa, Beth is pretty excited because we get to rub shoulders with Mediacorp hunk Nat Ho and babe Paige Chua. =P SHe thinks Nat is cute.

The Dating Loft is having a segment on stage, which means I will be on stage to do a fun and interactive (hopefully) with the singles there. Main theme is how do we make ourselves right to attract and keep the right ones.

So spread the word and hope to see more singles at the fiesta. More information can be found on http://www.itsadate.com.sg/index.php

I can’t believe how narrow-minded and pig-headed some people can be! I am actually quite worked up when I heard that there are people (young, self-righteous and using religion as a blanket to cover their ignorance and narrow-mindedness) who thinks guys who joined Dating Agencies are ALL flirts and up to no good, and that it is a sin to join “such services”.

I have personally profiled and consulted almost two thousand singles during this 3 years at The Dating Loft, and I really like to invite such self-righteous people to come here and interact personally with the singles and found out from them what is their motivating factors for joining dating agencies. Do they do it because they have too much money and do not know where to spend on? Do they do it because they are incoherent flirts who wanted nothing more than to try to bed each woman that they came across?

I really feel injustice on behalf of my male members. I totally agree that there are definitely black sheep around - we had men who called us asking if we provide ‘escort services’ or looking for ‘extra girlfriends’ especially when we first started out. An insistence on face to face profiling will usually suss out such men who are too gutless to even try to meet us. Even if they do come up here and tell us frankly they are already married or are not looking for any serious relationships, we will usually be very up front with them that we are in the business of promoting long term relationships. The membership fee will be the next deterring factor. Which flirt in his right mind would pay a significant amount to try to meet girls through us when they could have easily meet more girls online or in the pubs and bars without much costs involved?

Why paint all men with the same brush, when you are not in their shoes? It is a basic human need to love and be loved and why condem them for taking actions to fulfill this need? Came across too many people who hid behind their supposed faith in God/Gods that he/they will provide the one for them….or it is destiny and fate, one cannot force, should just go with the flow. I am not saying that you should mindlessly go on dates or hurt other people in the process, but at least have the guts to take charge of your own life!

Do not say its all fated or God will provide when all you do is to go home after work and watch TV, hang around the same group of people all the time or when you allow yourself to look like a dog - allow yourself to go fat, ugly, or unlovable with your cynical attitude and prickly shell. No one likes to go near a porcupine, save the pricks for the truly narrow-minded. Remember what loneliness is when you are 50 and sitting in front of TV chewing fat with an old dog for company.

Shared another heart-warming anecdote with you:

Had coffee with a friend whom I had met only for the 2nd time! She is actually a childhood friend of my fiance and we had hit it off when we met. She is a lively, cheerful and independent lady in her early 30s, who is running her own businesses.

When we finally met up for coffee after almost a year, I immediately asked how her relationship is going and whether she is going to get married. She answered, “On the verge of breaking”. This is the start of a long mutual sharing on relationships; parental and love relationships.

She shared that she was very angry with her parents, especially her mum for almost 9-10 years. She had an elder brother and a younger brother who could not get along and lived in the same room as they have very different habits and lifestyle. So when the family have their own place, there were only 3 rooms. Her parents then made the decision to have her continue to stay with the grandma while they moved to the new home.

Hurted and rejected by the parents’ decision, she only went back when necessary and did not communicate much with the mum for many years. Always thinking to herself and taking the stance that she is an outsider and they are a family.

She took almost 10 years to get over her first relationship in college that also only lasted for a few months. When the guy broke off with her (it was a long distance relationship), she felt it as if it was her family rejecting her again, and held on to her anger and hurt for a very long time.

The turning point came when her business mentor one day gently chided her, “You are still behaving like a child. How long more are you going to continue to be angry with them? Parents being parents, you have to give them a platform to acknowledge their mistake.” She plucked out her courage while cleaning the stall with her mum and told her that she was actually very angry with her and very hurted by the decision. Her mum paused and said, “Your dad said I made the wrong decision too.”

She was so happy with the reply! That one sentence lossens up the knot in her heart after so many years. Her relationship with her family have since improved a lot and she goes over very often now for meals and catching up on each other’s lives. What a difference an apology (even if it’s not direct) makes!
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The Great Master in Kungfu Panda proclaimed: “There are NO coincidences.” - in Pao’s life or ours. For the past week, I have had tea sessions with 3 friends who are single (or soon to be) AND attractive. It got me thinking about the correlation between the state of our relationships with our parents and our love relationships, and how we often (subconsciously) brought repeated (negative) patterns into our love relationships, which often than not ended in hurt and anger.

If in life, there is no coincidence, then everything happens for a reason and the pattern will continue unless we face it, resolve it and let go. Break the pattern or your life story will continue to play out like a well-used record - everyone knows the next line to the song, except yourself.

Take my two girl friends - Jay and Kay.
Jay in her early 30s, is an attractive professional who grew up in a traditional family where the father is the head of the family and everyone had to listen to him, even if he is in the wrong. At the tender age of 12, she became the defender for her mum when the father’s affair is exposed. The parents did not divorced but there was alot of unresolved anger and hurt and blame. Her relationships with her parents became very strained as she blamed her dad for doing wrong and her mum for not standing up for herself (and the family) and yet continue to harp on this affair with alot of bitterness. Although living under the same roof, she barely speaks or spends time with them.

She had a first relationship in college and while it lasted only a few months, it took her 10 years to let go and move on. However, even though she thought she really want to settle down and have kids, she found that she kept falling in love with the wrong guys who would not committ to her, and she kept getting her hearts broken. The last guy stringed her along for a whole year and she finally had enough. At her lowest point, she attended a course and it changed her. She realises that everything that had happened is brought upon herself BY herself. She stopped blaming others, and circumstances and took charge of herself - her emotions, her fears, her guilt.

She decided to be real to herself. Instead of presenting a facade of perfection to the guys she dated or liked, she now realises that because she wasn’t true to herself or to the guy - the other party is unable to know and like HER for herself.

It wasn’t easy ackowledging her own feelings and emotions, and being open with the people around her. But she is determined to continue to take baby steps to heal herself and take charge of her life. I am so proud of her - she was very frank with me during our conversation and I have also gained insights from our talks.
She will probably read my blog, so I would like to encourage her to face her parents and tell them about her anger she has been harbouring so she can finally forgive them and herself and rid herself of the misplaced label of an unfilial child…..