Shared another heart-warming anecdote with you:

Had coffee with a friend whom I had met only for the 2nd time! She is actually a childhood friend of my fiance and we had hit it off when we met. She is a lively, cheerful and independent lady in her early 30s, who is running her own businesses.

When we finally met up for coffee after almost a year, I immediately asked how her relationship is going and whether she is going to get married. She answered, “On the verge of breaking”. This is the start of a long mutual sharing on relationships; parental and love relationships.

She shared that she was very angry with her parents, especially her mum for almost 9-10 years. She had an elder brother and a younger brother who could not get along and lived in the same room as they have very different habits and lifestyle. So when the family have their own place, there were only 3 rooms. Her parents then made the decision to have her continue to stay with the grandma while they moved to the new home.

Hurted and rejected by the parents’ decision, she only went back when necessary and did not communicate much with the mum for many years. Always thinking to herself and taking the stance that she is an outsider and they are a family.

She took almost 10 years to get over her first relationship in college that also only lasted for a few months. When the guy broke off with her (it was a long distance relationship), she felt it as if it was her family rejecting her again, and held on to her anger and hurt for a very long time.

The turning point came when her business mentor one day gently chided her, “You are still behaving like a child. How long more are you going to continue to be angry with them? Parents being parents, you have to give them a platform to acknowledge their mistake.” She plucked out her courage while cleaning the stall with her mum and told her that she was actually very angry with her and very hurted by the decision. Her mum paused and said, “Your dad said I made the wrong decision too.”

She was so happy with the reply! That one sentence lossens up the knot in her heart after so many years. Her relationship with her family have since improved a lot and she goes over very often now for meals and catching up on each other’s lives. What a difference an apology (even if it’s not direct) makes!

#No 1 Tip: Always say Sorry and mean it.