Number 1 Tip for Love and Happiness: The ability to Forget
“The ability to forget is as important as a good memory. Being able to tell what for which, ah, that’s the key.” – Malcolm Forbes.
Recently read some very interesting quotes on the topic of memory in Forbes Asia. When I read the above quote, my eyes lit up. I grinned. I finally have a convincing quip for my infamous lapses of memory. Some things slip my mind easily, while I have often console myself that it’s because the thing is not important that’s why I don’t remember it. Right. Try telling yourself that when you stare at a whole pot of black mush in dismay because you forgot to turn off the stove or you turn up at the wrong place for the wrong appointment because you forgot.
On the other side of the coin, I don’t bear grudges because I really do not remember much of why I was angry or why the quarrel started in the first place. I have known people who kept an internal scorecard against everyone – all that is being said or done or gave or received, so that they can even the score exactly. For instance, I have heard of an acquaintance who keeps tab of who responded to her invitations to her baby girls’ shower and who gave what gifts. And if you are the few who promised to turn up and didn’t, you will be ‘placed’ on her blacklist and she will always remember what you didn’t do.
Likewise in my interactions with the singles, I have observed that many seems to be single because they have not ‘forgotten’. Forgotten about past loves, past hurt, past guilt, past whatever. Take away all the convenient excuses of “too busy with career”, “no time” or “haven’t found the right one”, and a common thread exists: A lady was single for 10 years after she was dumped by her first love, seemingly always meeting the wrong men and thus giving herself reasons not to go into another relationship. Another wasted 6 years in singleland, protecting herself with a shield that no man in his right mind would attempt to cross – tomboy dressing and an icy exterior.
I think when one truly forgotten, then one can live again. The Jewish writer, Sholem Asch wrote, “Not the power to remember, but it’s very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.”
I love this post. Many a times, we are too busy remembering things of the past that makes us unhappy or makes us unable to live our life to the fullest.
However, sometimes we don’t do it on purpose, It might all be sub-conscious. And many-a-time, things that we remember, is just a matter as small as a needle.
Lets all forget about small things that don’t matter and focus on the things that does. NOW!
The ability to forget – It could be the #1 tip for LOVE and HAPPINESS in general. But it does not always apply to all.
I have a father who suffers from mental illness since I was young. He is always the trouble maker in the family. Talking all the nonsense, singing songs out loud in his midnignt shower. Not a qualified employee at all as he is alwas late for work and leaving office at anytime as he likes to. But luckily he is a government servant, so he is not fired and has a stable income that is just enough for the family. And because of his illness, financial investment kind of idea has never crossed his mind, nor even saving any money for rainy days. Basically we only have what we need, but not what we want.
I always think that the whole family must have owed him something in his previous life, that’s why we turned out to be his family member in the present life. And ever since his illness is getting worse gradually as time goes by, I feel like my life hardly moves on at all. Especially when i was growing up, doing my studies, I felt like I need to finish my studies at the soonest and then earned my own money. Only then, I’m able to start a new life, able to buy whatever I want, travel to places and experience new things, new life. Basically to move on.
Now that I’m a career lady, I have a stable job and start looking for a relationship. Somehow I find it hard to share my family background with the guys that I’m dating with. I don’t know how to start with the topic to introduce my family background. I feel sad at times when I’m not able to move on in a relationship. I feel like things seem to be floating on the surface, no progress at all, unless I share my family background.
Deep down in my heart, I feel sad on my dad’s illness. But I do not feel shamed of it. Because I believe eveyone is not perfect and every family has different problems. I do not mind to share my family background to my date. But what I’m concern is the outcome. Whether my date can accept this kind of family background or not. I’m afraid to be rejected at the end of the day. And once again, I feel my life is not moving on, again…
For the gentlemen out there, how many of you would choose the kind of girl like me to be your partner? I wonder… As there are so many girls out there with healty family backgrouds.
What would be the remedy for me to fight for my LOVE and HAPPINESS? I wonder…
Jess, thank you for sharing with us something that is obviously very private and something that had a very deep hold on you.
What is past is past, what is important is the present to create the future that you want.
Forgive your dad and forgive yourself the anger and resentment you had as well as the guilt that you bore because of your anger towards him.
If you can truly let go of your anger and your guilt, and accept them as they are and you as you are, I believe that you will be able to attract someone who would accept your family and you. Don’t give up – Happiness is within your grasp.