Or, so says a study undertaken by Northwestern University researchers, which has yet to be formally published. They followed heterosexual speed daters to determine the differences in attraction when women sat and the men changed seats, and then when the men sat and the women changed seats. Their conclusion?

When the women remained stationary and the men moved from speed date to speed date, the guys  are more attracted to their dates than the women were to theirs. As well, the men chose more women to pursue for further dating interactions than they did in any other scenario. But when the roles were reversed and the women moved around, the number each sex wanted to see again was about the same.

So how can you use this dating tip and research to your benefit? Favor speed dating events where the men roam and the women stay seated, or when trying to meet someone new, allow the guys to approach, first.

Check out the full article on dating tips at http://dating.about.com/b/2009/04/08/a-new-law-of-attraction-have-them-come-to-you.htm

A friend facebooked me a few weeks asking me to look into the topic of Fidelity. It is a topic worth exploring (especially in the light of the recent Neo saga and his ‘tender grass’), but I fear this topic will require more than a blog or two. It’s like a whole ten year series! I grappled with this topic – how much should I cover in depth and breadth? Faintz….

Ok my valiant attempt to explore this topic in different stages….Let’s start by asking this question: “Who is more likely to cheat – Man or Woman?” and what kind of man or woman are more likely than others to cheat? And is there any tips to spot these people before you jump into a relationship with them?

Read some interesting stuff in my research on this and wanted to bring up some findings. Recently, two economists, Bruce Elmslie, chair of the Department of Economics at University of New Hampshire’s Whittemore School of Business and Economics, and Edinaldo Tebaldi, a professor at Bryant University, researched the economic costs of cheating for men and women. It is unusual in that it looks at infidelity from a cost-benefit analysis, rather than a sociological or psychological point of view.

The answer to the first question:

Tada! No surprises here!

Men Who Are More Likely to Cheat on Their Wife

Married men are 7 percent more likely than married women to commit adultery. And, when a man has an affair, he doesn’t seem to consider the consequences of his actions.

Infidelity for women peaks at 45, the study found. For men, it peaks at age 55.

1.Men who are more likely to commit adultery:

•Live in cities (where there is greater opportunity to escape discovery)

•Do not have a college degree

•Do not belong to any particular socioeconomic group

2.What men do not take into account when having an affair:

•The economic status of the new woman, or her ability to bear children

•Their wife’s educational level

•Religion

“As with spousal education, men don’t weigh the costs — spousal quality or eternal damnation — when deciding whether or not to have an affair,” Elmslie said.

1. Women who are more likely to commit adultery:

• Live in cities (where there is greater opportunity to escape discovery)
• Do not have a college education 
• Regularly skip church (non religious)  
• Are upper class

1. What women do take into account when having an affair:

• Their husband’s educational achievement
• If their new partner can father a child and provide financial stability 
• Religion

These, of course, are statistical findings. And, sometimes the percentages are small.

What’s important about the study, however, is that “Men seem to respond to opportunity and not to our measures of cost.”

In other words, to keep a husband faithful, it’s important to eliminate opportunities for him to stray. Keeping your husband on a tight lease? Any tips to share?

Any comments?

Is there finally hope for us mere mortals? All thanks to David who handed me a pretty color-printed reproduction of a special report on “Fall in Love and Stay That Way” from Scientific American Mind. Kate, our dining companion was intensely interested in the article and I’m sure she would have wolfed it down like me on the way home.

This report is by Dr Robert Epstein, a Harvard PHD holder in Psychology and he currently teaches at University of California. Dr Robert Epstein, if this is true I thanked you on behalf of mankind…err…just my readers.

Why is it important to learn the lessons and tips from love? Because, to quote Dr Robert, “Nothing is more fulfilling than being in a successful love relationship. Yet we leave our love lives entirely up to chance. Maybe we don’t have to anymore.” And humans don’t seem to learn very well from experiences and past mistakes; half of first marriages failed, 2/3 of second marriages failed and 3/4 of third marriages fail in the US! (And I’m sure Singapore has pretty shocking figures too!)

Here are the love-building tips and exercises:
1) Two as One. Embracing each other gently, begin to sense your partner’s breathing and gradually try to synchronize your breathing with his/her. After a few minutes, you might feel that the two of you have merged

2) Soul Grazing (Has a nice ring to it =P). Standing or sitting about two feet away from each other, look deeply into each other’s eyes, trying to look into the core of your beings. Do this for about two minutes and talk about what you saw.

3) Monkey Love. Standing or sitting fairly near each other, start moving your body in any way you like – but in a fashion that perfectly imitates your partner. This is fun but also challenging. You will both feel as if you are moving voluntarily, but your actions are also linked to those of your partner.

4) Falling In Love. A trust exercise, one of many which that increases mutual feelings of vulnerability. From a standing position, simply let yourself fall backward into the arms of your partner. Then trade places. Repeat several times and then talk about your feelings. Strangers who do this exercise sometimes feel connected to each other for years.

5) Secret Swap. Write down a deep secret and have your partner do the same. Then trade papers and talk about what you read. You can continue this process until you have run out of secrets. Better yet, save some of your secrest for another day.

6) Mind-Reading Game. Write down a thought that you want to convey to your partner. Then spend a few minutes wordlessly trying to broadcast that thought to him/her, as he or she tries to guess what it is. If she /he cannot guess, reveal what you were thinking. Then switch roles.

7) Let Me Inside. Stand about four feet away from each other and focus on each other. Every 10 seconds or so move a bit closer until, after several shifts, you are well inside each other’s personal space (about 30cm). Get as close as you can without touching.

Love Aura. Place the palm of your hand as close as possible to your partner’s palm without actually touching. Do this for several minutes, during which you will not only feel heat but also, sometimes eerie kinds of sparks.

I am going to try this and see of this truly works….after all we need all the help and tips we can to create and build fulfilling love relationships.

OK I admit I have been following the recent Jack Neo’s affair saga with the gossipy relish of an auntie! But it is just too juicy to be passed up. The Chinese papers are the best for the juiciest details and blatant relevations but the English papers are surprisingly not too far behind. I think all local newspapers editors must be silently thanking director Neo for giving readers THE reason to sweep the papers off the newsstand.

Every where I go, I see tantalising and scandalous headlines screaming: “Sex in the car!” or “Sex on overseas trips!” For a while, I almost forget this is sanitised Singapore. It really feels like Taiwan. Well, for my two cents worth of thoughts on this saga….

Frankly, I am quite disgusted with Jack Neo - NOT because he hooked up with a “neng cao” young enough to be his daughter or that he probably have tried to woo countless other aspiring actresses or starlets when he is a married man with 4 children, or even for the fact that he has so assiduously established an image of himself as The Ideal Family Man.   

But the way he handled the whole affair. I see a picture of a man who knows he is in the wrong yet continued to play the part of the poor, beleaguered man who has undergone enormous mental and emotional trauma…. Err, who is the one who took the initiative to woo the aspiring model? Who is the one who chased Foyce Le Xuan relentlessly and “cold-freeze” her when she refused his advances years ago? And when things exploded, he hid behind his wife who played the gracious and forgiving spouse. He gave excuses that “Both of them (his mistress) and him have let the affair get too deep, 匆昏了头!”

He offered his apologises and pleaded tremendous mental and emotional anguish and exhaustion from trying to keep his mistress happy and to prevent the wife from knowing about it…. If he had truly loved his wife (like he claimed), why would he put his wife and family through this? And he even attempted to excuse himself for his behaviour by saying “he loved her (the mistress) but he loved his wife more!” Does that mean he loves all the women that he attempted to seduce?

For all his moral admonitions about “being human”, it is really ironic that he himself failed to practise what he preached. All his previous attempts to mock government, mock social norms, and mock everyone and everything in movies such as “Money no enough” or “I’m not stupid” feels like empty vessels.

I am not surprised if this turns out to be a mini-tiger, and more and more women stepped out to give testimonials of Director Neo’s skirt-chasing ways. I think it is time for him to take responsibility for his own actions, and not hid behind his wife and church/pastor to try to get away from this. It is fine and mighty for his wife to say that she loves him so she does not care who he sleeps with, but what kind of message she is sending out to all – young and old? That it is alright for your husband to cheat on you with countless other women? I admit I’m not such a saint. You can forgive but can you really forget? If director Neo gets away continuously with his skirt chasing ways and breaking his matrimonial vows, with the blessings of his wife who turns an eye away, what is the point of staying married then? Any tips to stay faithful to your chosen partner?

I suddenly have this inspiration to write a post on how to maximise your dating journey after you have signed up with a dating agency, and tips that we, Dating Consultants, could not really tell the members upfront.  The truth is, we are humans after all and just like that nice server who would bring you extra servings at your favourite restaurant because you always smiled at him and was ever so polite, we would also go the extra mile for you….if you could just SMILE.

Honestly, we always start with the best intentions. On paper, we are supposed to treat each and every member the same; serve all with equal amount of attention, consistency and quality of matches. In reality, this continues to be a Vision that we will always strive for.

While I love many of my members for their appreciation, warmth and genuinity, many others have caused us to tear our hair up on more than one occasion. Here are the tips from the insiders – what your dating consultant will not tell you but feverishly hope you will know.

1) Treat your Dating Consultant with courtesy and decency. Basic rules of courtesy applies all the time. Do not raise your voice or spew vulgarities.  Don’t hang up on us before we have finished our conversation or be plain rude. We are not your slaves but we want to serve. 

2) Do not call every other day to enquire on your next date, when you have just went on one. We asured you we will not forget about you, and we will give you a call when we have the right match. Calling us all the time does not really translate into better matches for you, and only leaves us with the impression that you are very needy.

3) Do not bitch about your Dating Consultant or your agency when you go on dates. Many have not realised that doing so will leave their dates with a negative perception of them being whiny, non-appreciative and  complainy. Do not bite the hand that feeds you. If you have anything to bring up, go to the consultant and agency directly to resolve.

4) Do not insist on going to ONLY certain restaurants, especially if you are NOT the one paying for dinner. You can give suggestions on the type and kind of place you would like to go. But insistence leaves an impression that you are exacting and a control freak. Leave it to the middleman, your consultant, to arrange a place where both can be comfortable.

5) Do not change your dates at the very last minute.Noone likes to be stood up. After all that anticipation, being told last minute that your date can’t make it is such a letdown! Plus, this translates into additional work for your consultant who will need to reschedule the date, change the reservation and resent out the confirmations…. Yes this is what we are supposed to do, but hey, who would mind less for more?

6) Do try to call back when you said you would. We know you are busy, but it can be very frustrating when we emailed you, called you, sms-ed you….and there is no reply. And when you are available, you call us once and we couldn’t pick up the call, we are deemed as providing bad service. Work with us, let us know your schedule because we really want to make this work for you.

7) We are not perfect and we make mistakes sometimes. We truly seek your understanding and hope that you remain open-minded. Do not give up after just one date or event or use that as a gauge for future matches. Let your consultant know when things go wrong or right for you. Your appreciation really does wonders in encouraging your dating consultant to try her best for you.

 Everyone’s dating journey is unique. Do not compare or jump to a conclusion because you have heard from someone’s friend or colleague that the dating is going to be of a certain way. It is very demoralising for your consultant who is trying her best to help you, and on the other hand you are letting what you had hearsay color your experiences.

 At the end of the day, stay in open communication with your Dating Consultant. Respect her, Trust in her and give her the space to do her best for you. Appreciate her for what she has done and remind her of what is lacking. And trust me, when you do all that, the probability of you achieving your dating goals will significantly increased.
Happy Member = Happy Consultant = Happy Matches = Happy Ending! =) The Best Tip of All: Love yourself and others!