Read an interesting article on Channel News Asia. Why do men and women get married? Have you ever wondered?
Why get married at all? Women don’t need providers and men don’t need in-house procreators. Turns out, we both want to get married. But for very different reasons.

For all the young women who’ve chewed their nails to the skin anticipating a proposal, it may be a relief to know that, yes, men still want to get married. But there’s a critical difference between the sexes. In broad terms, when a woman falls in love, just like the Trinity character in The Matrix, she knows he’s The One. But a man’s readiness can be seen as a life stage. To call on The Matrix again, a time when he’s ready to take the red pill.

“He first needs to feel like he knows what he’s doing in the world and where he’s going,” says John Gray, relationship counselor and author of the Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus books. “Women are more concerned about who they’re going with.”

“Historically men have been more eager to marry when they’re financially secure, and women have wanted to marry when they wanted children,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and author of Why Him? Why Her? Fisher calls it a “human male need” to provide for his wife, a desire that hearkens back to our hunter-and-gatherer days when the “dual-income family was the rule.” She harvested the fruits and vegetables, and he brought home the meat.

But when the woman was pregnant or nurturing small children, she was vulnerable. It became the man’s job to protect and provide for his family. Today, still, men do not feel ready for marriage until they can fulfill that historic role, albeit with career stability and a certain amount in the bank rather than a bison turning on the spit.

The real change is that now marriage readiness goes both ways. Gray says that he’s observed a shift in marriage because of women’s education and work. Women now receive 60% of college degrees and comprise half the workforce. “When she has a good job, her security needs are met, and she looks for a man to provide emotional support,” says Gray. Women are looking for partners who are romantic, supportive, good communicators and will be helpful on the home front, Gray says.

Researchers and sociology professors Christine B. Whelan at the University of Pittsburgh and Christie F. Boxer at the University of Iowa set out to find out what men and women look for in a spouse and uncovered this very trend. From a list of attractive traits, women ranked a man’s desire for home and children at No. 4. In past decades they had ranked it much lower. In 1977, for example, it was No. 10.

Men’s standards, too, have changed in what they find attractive in a potential wife. Until the 1960s men ranked a woman’s education and intelligence at No. 11 on their lists of attractive qualities. Now men prioritize a woman’s intelligence over her good looks, ranking it at No. 4 as compared to No. 8.

And unlike the urban myth of husband-hunters like Sex and the City’s Charlotte York, more women are delaying or forgoing marriage. According to the current population survey, the median age at first marriage in 2009 was 26 for women and 28 for men, up from 22 and 25 a century ago. Marriage historian Stephanie Coontz, a professor at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., says with more options, women are delaying marriage to pursue education and find the man they really love.

“It’s only in the last 20 years that women have said they’d marry just for love,” says Coontz. “It used to be that people were embarrassed to admit they loved their spouse, but now they’re embarrassed to admit the other reasons for marriage.”

Sociologist Whelan believes that both sexes tie the knot due to a combination of love and social pressure, and that pressure comes a bit later for men. The typical ready-to-wed man, she says, has been out of college for a few years, maybe just got a promotion or raise, and has experienced a summer of attending several of his friends’ weddings.

Once friends start walking down the aisle, “it’s as if a light bulb goes off in their heads,” says Whelan. Suddenly men realize they want to settle down, and they start seeing the women they date through an is-she-wife-material lens.

Read the complete article at http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/living/view/1061042/1/.html

I read an article on Dr Goh Keng Swee, one of the founding fathers of modern Singapore, and something that he said strike a chord in me. It was not about his formidable intellect or his outstanding contributions to Singapore, but his single-minded pursuit of his second wife, Dr Phua Swee Liang. His wife shared that she had rejected him several times and had asked him why is he so persistent . His reply was: “Faint of heart never gets you the fair maiden”. Of course he did win over the fair maiden and they were together till his death recently.

I can’t help but admire a man with such persistence, dedication and single-mindedness. The saying that “How you do anything is how you do everything.” rings true. For a man who sets high standards for himself in work and do everything to the best of his ability, you don’t expect anything less of him in his personal life. I can’t help but feel a little ashamed at my own nonchalance and take it for granted attitude sometimes….

That is also the reason why women secretly admire strong-willed and determined men. Because such men are usually successful in school, work/career and life. If you are faint of heart, you will not win the fair maiden (or your career or work or business). I have heard countless feedback from women about local men being too timid, lacking in initiative and decisiveness in relationships. On the other side, to all women: give the men a chance to make the decisions and stop trying to control everything.

 Hence, I would like to encourage all men to have the heart of a lion, be courageous and be persistent in your efforts once you have decided that this is the goal you want.  Good Luck!

When I came back from Shanghai, I was informed that SPH Marketing Division has sent us a letter informing us that we “have reproduced on your website, certain articles owned by Singapore Press Holdings Ltd (SPH)”, and thus would like us to pay $535.00 (inc GST) in license fees per article per year, as well as $214.00 (inc GST) being reimbursement to us for investigation fee.
Failing to do so will result in a law suit against The Dating Loft. Established in 2006, The Dating Loft has it’s fair share of mention in the local press and yes we have benefitted from the press coverage. However, we are still a small company with only about 5 full time staff. Asking us to pay $535 per article per year and we have about 20 or so articles on our website that are produced by the media giant SPH (well, it’s practically a monopoly publishing everything from Straits Times, Sunday Times, Business Times, The New Paper and that’s not counting the Chinese and Malay papers and the magazines).
That works out to about $10,000 per year in license fees for the 20 or so articles on our website. Yes, SPH owns the right to these articles, they pay their writers to write these articles and their photographers have taken the pictures. But hey what about our time and resources spent answering your email interviews and phone queries and photo sessions? Without us providing the content, would the articles be produced (and rake in the advertising dollars from your advertisers?)
All I can say, we are a tiny company. $10,000 is probably a drop in the bucket for a media mammoth such as SPH, but for us, it can be one whole year’s marketing revenue. What can we do in face of such force? Well, we have to take down the articles online, which we have contributed to.

As we see an increase number of foreigners (including Permanent Residents) coming to The Dating Loft, hoping to find love with the local residents, I realizes that we Singaporeans view certain races and nationalities differently with some deeply held prejudices that just won’t go away. Even though we claim to grow up in a multi-racial society, we are never able to view each with equality.

From my experiences at The Dating Loft, Here is a list of the nationalities/race and the reactions we have towards them:
1) Mainland Chinese – We have seen a surge in the number of mainland Chinese coming to work and live in Singapore. Admittedly we still receive a steady stream of inquiries from Chinese Gals who can’t speak English and whose only requirement is a “Singapore man with good income”, there is a small but growing pool of professionals who speak English and are taking the step to meet more locals to expand their social circle. Some local men have expressed apprehension in meeting them as they are afraid of them being “gold diggers” and felt that their friends and family might viewed them differently if they really get married. Well not every Mainland Chinese woman is after your moolah, just open your eyes and know them better before losing your heads (both).

2) Angmos (loosely classified as Anglo-Saxons from USA< Australia and Europe) - Desperately pursued by SPG-types, and desired by a number of local women (usually older, more cosmopolitan/"angmo pai" type) who viewed them as "more fun, more romantic, higher (expat) income, more gentlemanly...." From my experiences dealing with them, only a small percentage truly wants to settle down. They are HOT here, with women pursuing them at clubs, pubs and bars, even if they are nowhere near the likes of Brad Pitt or Jude Law. Hence they are unlikely to settle especially if they are only here for the short term. However I do have to say that some are really quite witty and intelligent and they are less picky on superficial requirements such as age and marital status.

3) Malaysian Chinese - Even though Singapore is so close to Malaysia and used to be a part of them, the vast disparity in economic development between both countries have unfortunately led to a subtle but persistent prejudice against them. Some local men (especially those of higher economic status) have subtly let on that they do not want to meet Malaysian Gals who can’t speak good English and are technical workers (such as beauticians or hairstylist) as they feel it’s a loss of face for them. Other men prefers to meet Malaysian Gals because they are deemed as “more down to earth, more gentle and less demanding than local gals”. Local women on the whole do not really want to meet Malaysian men unless they had studied abroad or have a really good job here. Well, to each your own….I have met plenty of Malaysian men and women who are successful, and there are also very gentle and family-oriented gals here.

At the end of the day, keeping an open mind is the most important thing. You really never know until you meet the person.